The Bachelor

Allie Oniki, Staff Writer

I love Mondays. I can’t wait for the weekend to end so Monday can roll around once again. I guess that sounds crazy, but that’s what “The Bachelor” will do to you. If you’re one of those “Bachelor” haters, I understand. I would rather you didn’t bring up that only two couples have stayed together out of twenty seasons, but I do understand. You have a point: there’s an eensy weensy bit of drama, and some of the women are faker than spray cheese, but there is so much to love about this show. Just hear me out.

First of all: Ben Higgins. He should be enough for any of you. This season’s bachelor, “Perfect Ten Ben,” is your classic, dreamy, All American Boy. He has it all. He loves to play sports and do adventurous outdoorsy things. He loves little kids. He does humanitarian work in Honduras. He has a glowing smile, and he’s funny. He is humble and thoughtful. He’s slightly awkward, but not in an I-can’t-even-watch-because-my-eyes-and-ears-are-bleeding kind of way, but more of an I’m-swooning-because-he-can’t-find-the-right-words-to-express-his-feelings kind of way. He’s perfect. If the only reason you watch “The Bachelor” is for Ben Higgins, that is reason enough.

If you think watching “The Bachelor” for the guy is either effeminate or stalkerish, then watch it for the ladies. There are plenty of gorgeous, border-line insane women fighting for the affection of a single man to keep you entertained. There are Haley and Emily, whose occupations are “twins,” which probably required a lot of schooling. Two women from past seasons are back on the show. It seems as if a third of the ladies are named Lauren. The women are getting feisty. On the first night as the women were getting to know each other, Lace spoke of Mandi, who had just finished flossing Ben’s teeth, saying, “I’m going to punch her in the face. Like, seriously.” Later, Jubilee said, “I will not murder Lace, but she may very tactfully disappear.” Tensions rose. Rumor spread around the mansion that Olivia had ugly toes, which resulted in tears shed and Olivia telling Ben, “I try to be strong all the time, but it’s the scariest thing ever.”This is only the beginning of this dramatic journey of love for Perfect Ten Ben. You do not want to miss it.   If none of these ideas are working for you, you could at least get a great workout out of the show. Every time Ben says, “I think I see my wife in this room,” you could do a push-up, and by the end of the night your arms would be huge. Every time a girl says, “I’m not here to make friends,” or “I could be going home tonight,” or “I’ve never felt this way before,” you could do some squats. You’d actually be doing squats the entire show, but that’s even better for your health.

I agree with all you haters that “The Bachelor” most definitely does not have the optimal conditions for budding romances. How is someone supposed to find love while surrounded by cameras and crewmen as they approve of their boyfriend cheating in front of their face with people they’re forced to live with? But for the viewer, it’s heaven to watch the awkward struggles of small talk, the cat fights, and the mascara-smudging tears shed over ugly toes. You know you want to be a part of that. Do it for love.