“My mustache is soggy.” “This is why we are going to sacrifice you.” “If y’all were hired to be sad, then you would be getting...
“Bro, you need to go back to third grade—you give me depression.” “I’ll take my shoe off and throw it at you.” “You...
“I can't say it! The squirrels are listening.” “As a fat person, I think that chefs are very hot.” “Well,...
“You have the right to bear arms…and to arm bears!” “What the heck is a mellophone?” “New conspiracy: birds...
“Basketballs are not made of rubber!!” “Is somebody bleeding? Oh wait, that's a pepperoni.” “How can I attract...
“I have a muffin—my mommy made it for me.” “No wonder your mom doesn’t let you out past 10.” “Lightly sprinkles...
“Sometimes it just smells like school lunch.” “He is a good guy—he opened the door for me.” “But he cheated on...
“Not to be disrespectful, but you’re an idiot.” “You went to Rome? Really? I only went to New York.” “We...
“Upon doing this…I feel not so special.” “No hablos English. Hablos ASL.” “IMMA SPEEDWALKING...