Syd Alexander, Social Media and Publicity Manager
• January 26, 2023
“It’s been 30 minutes since we got back to school and I can’t handle this!”
“Grace, it's been 9 minutes…”
“Well, you can't ghost someone if you aren't a ghost!”
“On...
Grace Colvin, Mintertorials Editor
• December 2, 2022
“Sometimes I’m very surprised some of you have lived this long.”
“Y’all think you’re special? I smuggled my 13-year-old brother in and passed him off as a sophomore!”
“Here,...
Grace Colvin, Minertorials Editor
• October 12, 2022
“Officer, I drop kicked that orphan in self-defense!”
“Go sleep in the Copper Pit before you embarrass yourself again.”
“Your network in unstable? So is my mental state...
“My mustache is soggy.”
“This is why we are going to sacrifice you.”
“If y’all were hired to be sad, then you would be getting paid really well because you are doing an awesome job.”
“I...
“Bro, you need to go back to third grade—you give me depression.”
“I’ll take my shoe off and throw it at you.”
“You know, some days I wonder if you guys are the...
“I can't say it! The squirrels are listening.”
“As a fat person, I think that chefs are very hot.”
“Well, I’ve seen three things, so take that State Farm!”
“I’m...
Sarah Storm, Minertorial Editor, Opinion Editor
• March 23, 2022
“You have the right to bear arms…and to arm bears!”
“What the heck is a mellophone?”
“New conspiracy: birds are a fruit.”
“It wasn’t a funky-colored...
Sarah Storm, Minortorial Editor, Opinion Editor
• March 4, 2022
“Basketballs are not made of rubber!!”
“Is somebody bleeding? Oh wait, that's a pepperoni.”
“How can I attract possums?”
“Crying is for the weak. Anyways,...
Sarah Storm, Minertorial Editor
• February 9, 2022
“I have a muffin—my mommy made it for me.”
“No wonder your mom doesn’t let you out past 10.”
“Lightly sprinkles scrambled eggs onto a car.”
“Dude, why are...
“Sometimes it just smells like school lunch.”
“He is a good guy—he opened the door for me.”
“But he cheated on you.”
“Would you still love me if I was a fish?”
*Without...
