Heard it in the Halls


“Bro, you need to go back to third grade—you give me depression.”


“I’ll take my shoe off and throw it at you.”


“You know, some days I wonder if you guys are the reason behind the rise in divorce rates.”


“What is a small weapon that is not a dagger?”

“A Lego.”


“I may be depressed, but at least I’m cute.”


“I would just like to confirm none of you have friends.”


“Bees don’t have stingers in children’s books.”


“Not everyone agrees that door opening is necessary.” 

“Just walk straight through the wall.”


“I’m not bullying Lin-Manuel Miranda—I’m comparing him to a cod fish.”