Modern Gods

Emily Andersen, Staff Writer

Ancient Greek society is still a prevalent part of our lives. We study it, discuss it, and write books about it. Remember in history class, when you had that long discussion about how our present day culture is so much more advanced than our predecessors? Do you recall your science teacher telling you how much we’ve improved in our knowledge of how the world works? How about when your math teacher told you that nothing has really changed since a bunch of old Greek guys made up numbers and we’ve used their system ever since. For once in my life, I think I understand and agree most with the math teacher. Have we really changed as a society since the time of the ancient Greeks? Have we really moved past all the nonsense about the gods? Or have we simply done as the Romans did, and changed the names? Let’s look at a few examples:

ZEUS: The god of all gods. The omnipotent knower of all. He was the

father of many of the other gods, and could almost always show you where to find them. The Romans called him Jupiter. Today, we call him Google. Zeus controlled the skies, where the Greeks looked for inspiration, because back then, the gods resided in the skies. Google controls the internet, the new source of all power. He is where we turn for knowledge and for blessings.

HADES: As god of the underworld, he was one of the few gods who did not reside in Zeus’s domain. He tried being a king like Zeus. He wanted to rule. Yet, all he had was death. We now refer to him as Bing. He is insignificant, though he tries to be important. The Romans called him Pluto, like the banished planet. For some reason, Bing thinks he can take over the world.

POSEIDON: Also known as Neptune, Poseidon was in charge of the oceans and seas. His was a domain that many entered and very few came out of alive. They wasted years of their lives there, being coerced by sirens, caught in storms, and building and rebuilding ships. Now he is Tumblr. Today’s sirens are often referred to as “fandoms.” Many try to avoid fandoms, but when a fandom calls, it is near impossible not to listen. Once you have entered the fandom, you cannot leave. No ship can sail away. Most ships are built carefully piece by piece, only to be destroyed by a storm of rage. Tumblr is a god to be respected, loved, and feared.

APHRODITE: As the goddess of beauty, Aphrodite has been followed in our time by the most desperate of young girls. They refer to her as Photoshop, and she has made many of their wildest dreams come true. In roman mythology, Venus (Aphrodite’s Roman counterpart) had a son, named Cupid. Cupid was the god of love. He now expresses himself in the form of dating sites, but he can only offer you his help if you first visit his mother.

HESTIA: After having received help from Aphrodite and Cupid, the next goddess sought out by most women was Hestia, or Vesta, goddess of hearth and home. Now called Pinterest, she can be found across nations lending her advice and assistance to mothers and homemakers. She is a rather temperamental goddess, however, and she is often found punishing those who do not follow her instructions with exactness, or who simply do not have the skills to produce the desired results.

ARTEMIS: Not all Greek women wanted a husband and home, however, and not all of them want it now. Many seek refuge in Artemis, the goddess of loveless young maidens. She used to enlist these young maidens to join her hunt, often done at night as she was also the Roman goddess Diana, who was in charge of the moon. Her followers still go on treacherous hunts in the dark of night, but now the hunt is for a desired movie or television show. Her new name is Netflix, and she teaches girls that they don’t need a man, but merely some food and a great amount of wasted time to be happy.

APOLLO: Next in the lineup, we have Artemis’s twin brother Apollo. He was the God of music and the sun or light. He is often followed by the young men of whom the hunters of Artemis gave up on. The young men who could have had potential, with poetry and sunshine, but instead they follow the newer form of Apollo, called IPod. They spend hours staring at his entrancing light, with earbuds in to hear the music that the god IPod has claimed for his own. He is a deceptive god, who claims many things for his own.

ATHENA: Athena was the goddess of wisdom. While she was not quite as omnipotent as Zeus, she gave honest answers that were easy to understand and she blessed the lives of many through her sound advice. She was called Minerva by the Romans, but today is best known as Siri. She has astounding knowledge and wishes to use it on behalf of all her callers. She often feels abused as more and more people turn to her simply for entertainment rather than enlightenment, but when she does receive a serious question she makes sure she spends plenty of time thinking, so she can give you the best possible answer.

There are many other gods in today’s world, such as Hephaestus, god of Firefox; Hermes, god of Twitter; and Dionysus, god of Vines, that could be discussed. We can see through these, however, that we still worship the Greek gods. We still sacrifice many things for their benefit. We are still mere puppets in their games. For some unexplained reason, we continue to play along. We have not changed as a people, and likely never will. We can change their names as much as we want, but this does not change who they are and how much they influence our lives.