“Basketballs are not made of rubber!!”

“Is somebody bleeding? Oh wait, that’s a pepperoni.”

“How can I attract possums?”

“Crying is for the weak. Anyways, I was absolutely SOBBING last weekend.”

“It’s not pterodactyl, it’s PA-terodactyl. There’s no such thing as a silent P.”

“Who doesn’t have a stethoscope in their backpack?!”

“That’s why we lift, because hamburgers are getting heavier.”

“Sleep is cool, it’s like death but it doesn’t hurt your family.”

“Don’t mind me, I’m just an emotional sandcastle.”

“Man, that’s a big dog.”

“Bro, that’s a horse.”

“I used to be a people person, but then people ruined it for me.”