“You have the right to bear arms…and to arm bears!”

“What the heck is a mellophone?”

“New conspiracy: birds are a fruit.”

“It wasn’t a funky-colored wolf?”

“If the song isn’t about murdering your husband, is it really country music?”

“You can take the cool rocks you find if you want, but be aware that the badgers will come for you.”

“It’s not rocket science—you can sit in your seat.”

“I am the mom friend that should not have children.”

“I want to see ‘Romeo and Juliet’ performed entirely by chickens.”

“Where do babies come from?”

“My backpack. JKJK, just the tiny plastic ones.”

“Is March Madness basketball?”

“What?!? No. It’s football. Duh.”