“My mustache is soggy.”

“This is why we are going to sacrifice you.”

“If y’all were hired to be sad, then you would be getting paid really well because you are doing an awesome job.”

“I think she could flirt with a lamppost.”

“You are not confused—just do it.”

“It’s really hard to treat people with kindness sometimes.”

“‘I don’t know how to dance’…as he danced like a maniac.”

“Ha sucker I woke up before I was even born.”

“I need one more quote—someone say something funny.”