Boy Bands and Band-Aids

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Boy Bands and Band-Aids

Courtesy of Google Images

Courtesy of Google Images

Courtesy of Google Images

Courtesy of Google Images

Bryce Rodabough, Staff Writer

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“I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah,
I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah,
I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care
I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah”

These are the lyrics from One Direction’s new hit song “Rock Me”, a ground-breaking lyrical and musical masterpiece that touches the soul, leaving you a completely different person upon completion of its three minute and twenty second duration.

This is the mindset of every fourteen year-old girl in America while the rest of the population must suffer through constant radio requests and brutal screams echoing from the rooms of a little sister or daughter.

Throughout the years mankind has had many plagues: bubonic, polio, and the swine flu. The only one that has remained consistent is boy bands.

In the beginning, things were fine and dandy.  The sixties brought about bands like The Beatles, which we all love, and The Jackson 5, which was also pretty dang good; we were able to salvage Michael Jackson from the mix.

Then the seventies and eighties hit, and things started getting more, well, boy bandish.  Groups like New Kids on the Block and Menudo surfaced and made their mark.

But then came the nineties, when the ‘plague’ reached epic proportions. Backstreet Boys, Boyz ll Men, *NSYNC; post pubescent men with too much access to hair gel and a recording studio. This, my friends, was music’s Vietnam.

But, thankfully, God and Satan both agreed that what was happening on earth was horrible and decided to intervene. Thus, the early 2000s were born, a period where music was at a standstill.  Boy bands said “Bye, Bye, Bye,” and disappeared for the next little bit.

Sadly, however, the plague has returned and brought about a vengeance unknown to mankind until this time.  Not only has it returned, but has mutated with groups like Justin Bieber, One Direction, and Big Time Rush. They produce generic songs solely directed towards making money and getting a massive fan base that sadly only consists of girls 13-16.  Good job fellas, you’re 21 and the only girls you can attract are so illegal that it’s just not even funny.

Boy bands are only as good as they are young. Do you really think that you’re really going to be a fan in five years when they’re all twenty six, have alcohol problems and receeding hairlines? No; something shiny will have distracted your simple minds and you’ll have moved on easier then you did your last week long relationship.

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