“I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah,
I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah,
I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care
I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah”
These are the lyrics from One Direction’s new hit song “Rock Me”, a ground-breaking lyrical and musical masterpiece that touches the soul, leaving you a completely different person upon completion of its three minute and twenty second duration.
This is the mindset of every fourteen year-old girl in America while the rest of the population must suffer through constant radio requests and brutal screams echoing from the rooms of a little sister or daughter.
Throughout the years mankind has had many plagues: bubonic, polio, and the swine flu. The only one that has remained consistent is boy bands.
In the beginning, things were fine and dandy. The sixties brought about bands like The Beatles, which we all love, and The Jackson 5, which was also pretty dang good; we were able to salvage Michael Jackson from the mix.
Then the seventies and eighties hit, and things started getting more, well, boy bandish. Groups like New Kids on the Block and Menudo surfaced and made their mark.
But then came the nineties, when the ‘plague’ reached epic proportions. Backstreet Boys, Boyz ll Men, *NSYNC; post pubescent men with too much access to hair gel and a recording studio. This, my friends, was music’s Vietnam.
But, thankfully, God and Satan both agreed that what was happening on earth was horrible and decided to intervene. Thus, the early 2000s were born, a period where music was at a standstill. Boy bands said “Bye, Bye, Bye,” and disappeared for the next little bit.
Sadly, however, the plague has returned and brought about a vengeance unknown to mankind until this time. Not only has it returned, but has mutated with groups like Justin Bieber, One Direction, and Big Time Rush. They produce generic songs solely directed towards making money and getting a massive fan base that sadly only consists of girls 13-16. Good job fellas, you’re 21 and the only girls you can attract are so illegal that it’s just not even funny.
Boy bands are only as good as they are young. Do you really think that you’re really going to be a fan in five years when they’re all twenty six, have alcohol problems and receeding hairlines? No; something shiny will have distracted your simple minds and you’ll have moved on easier then you did your last week long relationship.
Jeffery Nebwold • Feb 6, 2013 at 10:39 am
Hey Bryce, this is your boy Jeff. I would like to respectfully disagree with you about a couple things…firstly your statement about Boyz II Men. You might not like their music, but I refuse to let you put them in the same category as *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. First of all, they are the most successful R&B group of all time, and that didn’t come from beat-filled songs with ‘meaningless’ lyrics. Most of their huge hits were ballads, and the fact that they could impress fans with their vocal ability rather than a fun beat is very impressive to me. Their style is much different from that of *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys.
I also don’t see how you could make such an unfair generalization about the audience of these performers…I mean, I know this is an opinion article, but really? “…a massive fan base, sadly which only consists of girls 13-16…” I don’t see how you can make that assumption with ANY merit at all.
Finally, I think that your final paragraph is VERY unfair…you claim that those who listen to boy bands have “simple minds”, but I think you fail to see the valid musical aspect that this music provides. You can talk all day about how the lyrics don’t mean anything, but not all songs are required to have hidden meanings and ‘impressive’ ways of saying things. I don’t think that every song is required to ‘”touch the soul” and “leave you a completely different person” Sometimes the draw of a song lies in its simplicity, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying I love any of these groups (other than Boyz II Men); I’m not even saying that I like them! But I do respect the genre of music, and I see that it’s an important one. Consider this: there are a lot of people who like this music; that’s why it’s called pop (popular) music. What makes these people any less intelligent than you or anyone else? Even if you don’t like the music or the performers, you have to recognize the draw that they create and accept that the style of music is one that people enjoy.
That being said, I love ya man, just felt like expressing my opinion!
P.S. …band aids?