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The Prospector

Kiss or Miss?

Photo by Cartoon courtesy of Julie Derhak

Photo by Cartoon courtesy of Julie Derhak

Alli Milne, Staff Writer

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If you were thinking your dating life could not get any worse, this Top Ten list of awkward dates from Bingham might just make your day.

10. “My date took me out for ice cream, and I’m allergic to all dairy products.”

-Hailey Conder, junior

9. “I was double-dating and the girl I was doubling with called shotgun so I couldn’t even sit next to my own date.”- Kate Foster, junior

8. “We went to a BYU improv show and she kept texting her mom while I laughed at all the jokes.”- Kaleb Loftus, senior

7. “I spent $85 by the end of the date, she wouldn’t share her armrest at the movies, she didn’t finish any of the food I bought her, and she gave me a really awkward hug at the end.”- Mohan Sudabattula, senior

6. “We were sitting right next to each other during a movie, and he sent me a text to ask if he could hold my hand.”- Amy Ray, junior

5. “He never said a word the entire date, but when we got to his house, he gave me like a five minute hug, said, ‘I love you’ and all I could think to say was ‘Uh, thanks.’”

-Mindy Dolan, senior

4. “We made a date to ‘hang out’ but he obviously misunderstood that it was a date, so he brought another girl.”

-Ms. Linford, Bingham math teacher.

3. “My date and I went to Homecoming breakfast and as we left, she started to feel sick. I kept asking if she wanted me to pull over, but she said no, and puked all over my car.

I took her home and treated her like a princess, and she ended up going to the dance really nauseous.”

-Marty Martinson, senior

2. “I went in for a hug, but he was trying to give me a high five. A high five! So he almost hit me in the face then quickly said goodnight and ran inside his house.”

-Emma Brown, junior

And now, the impressively awkward:

1. “We went hiking up a mountain and the whole way up, he kept telling me how bad he had to go [to the bathroom], so we get up to the top and he just randomly goes behind a rock to go.

So I’m plugging my ears and singing because I didn’t want any part of that, and he came back and all I said was ‘Uh, hi, how’d it go?’ And he had just gone to the bathroom, so I couldn’t even hold his hand or anything!”- Cortney Laursen, senior.

Sometimes, a date just cannot be saved. “I’m sick,” or “I miss my mom,” should only be used in moments of sheer desperation.

At the end of the date, offer a firm handshake, fistbump, high five, or a 30-second hug if you had a decent time.

If all else fails, clip this wonderful top ten list out and hang it on the wall of your monastery or convent for a good laugh while you think about how much worse it could have been.

Remember, dating is a rite of passage. These memories may seem horrible, awful and completely mortifying but you and your future children will laugh about them during Thanksgiving dinner.

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Kiss or Miss?