The Faculty Room

Emily Andersen, Staff Writer

The Faculty Room.  That mysterious door with the distinct “No Students Allowed” sign. But why? What goes on in there that we can’t see? Well, I have some theories:

Firstly, teachers ship us. Specifically the female teachers, but sometimes they enlist the men in their antics. Ever noticed that person that you somehow end up sitting next to for three seating charts in a row in six of your classes? They conspire together and plan our weddings. That is why they can’t have us listening in. Then we would know…

Secondly, the teachers have cliches. They interact with each other the exact same way we do. They try to tell us your social life doesn’t matter when you get older, but they really just don’t want you to know that it never changes. Think about it. How often do you see an English teacher having casual conversation with a math teacher? They don’t. English teachers only talk to English teachers, and the art/music teachers on occasion. Math and Science love to interact. The Science teachers also talk to the teachers from the vocational hall, and Math teachers sometimes talk to business. Business and vocational talk all the time, but math doesn’t talk to vocational and science doesn’t talk to business. The most reclusive group are the history teachers. They really only talk among themselves. Every once in a while you may find a history mingling with an English, but not often because they dislike the constant grammar corrections.

The biggest reason the faculty room is such a secret is because it’s where they do all their homework scheming. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. They don’t give you much homework for a week or so, luring you into a false sense of security. You think it’s going to be easier from here on out. Only one teacher gives you an assignment at a time. You can handle that. Then, all of a sudden, within two days time, you have a six page essay, and an eleven hour project  for each and every class. On top of it all, everything’s due the exact same day. Coincidence? I think not!

The teachers will tell you that they go to the faculty room simply to seek peace and get away from students for a while. As put by ninth grade geography teacher at South Jordan Middle, “The Faculty Room is the only place where I can get away from the stench of body spray and broken dreams.” While there may be some truth to this statement, especially in a middle school, it can’t be the only reason. They don’t need to hide from us. If anything, we need to hide from them.

Whatever it’s real purpose may be, the Faculty Room is a mysterious place. A different reality. A world where adults go to school, and teenagers are frightening. Don’t be too fooled though. Always remember those suspicious quotation marks around “No Students Allowed.”