A Deep Clean

Lauren Herrin, Staff Writer

It’s that time of year again. The melted snow reveals the dead brown grass and wilted flowers, while the sun’s rays become just a little warmer. Along with all of this seasonal excitement however, comes the annual necessity of deep cleaning.

Now usually Spring-cleaning consists of middle-aged women with their favorite aprons and a closet full of various run-down dusters and out-dated cleaning sprays. Perhaps it’s time that we take this adventure into our own hands.

Let’s start with your car. For those of us who can drive (sorry sophomores, you know your cry…) we know how crammed it can get. Who knew you could fit so much random items in such a small space?

Start with your trunk. Get those three or four coats and jackets and hang them up in your closet. Take that semester class book that’s been glaring at you for months and take it back to your teacher. They may give you a dirty look but say you’re welcome and walk away quickly.

Get all of those scraps of paper such as parking tickets from range, that math assignment you never turned in, and perhaps your report card that you never wanted your parents to see, and promptly throw them out. Don’t throw them in the garbage at your house though. Your parents might see your report card if you do that; a rookie mistake.

Now you can move to the front of your car. Take the scattered clothes in your backseat and fold them neatly. Don’t take them out because they are pretty much your closet away from home, so if you have an emergency you have something to fall back on. Your carpool will thank you for giving them a place to put their feet.

Next, clean out all of the receipts, napkins, and gum wrappers in the side of your door. Take out the fast food cups and throw them out. Finally, rather than going to McDonald’s, take your $3 and go to the car wash to rinse off all of the nasty dirt that has crept up the sides of your car. Don’t forget to vacuum! Either suck it up and find an extension chord to reach from the house to your car, or bribe your little brother to do it for you; it may take some serious bartering on your part. If you’re feeling wild, do something fruity and get an air freshener too.

Now that you’re not ashamed of driving your vehicle, drive it to your house. Go in to your room and take a gander. The realization that you have been living in filth the past few months will begin to set in. You’ve become so accustomed to your room looking like a hoarder’s basement that you’re not going to want to change it. Find the will to push those thoughts out and get to work. Get underneath your bed and throw away all of the candy wrappers from Halloween and Christmas. They didn’t do you any good then, and they aren’t doing you any good now.

Then slump over to your closet; remember that favorite pair of shoes you would wear every day? Yeah, they’re in there. Once you start organizing your footwear around you will find them. Push your winter shoes to the back and bring your spring shoes forward. Now you’re stepping up in the world! *Ba-dum psh* Unless you’re one of those kids that just wears tennis shoes everyday. I guess you can skip this part.

Next, glance along your floorboards. Go through the piles of paperwork and hundreds of college letters collected over the past few months and recycle them. Yes, I said recycle. Be a tree-hugger for five minutes and do the world some good. Empty out your garbage can if you have one in your room. Grab the vacuum on your way back to your room. Your mother may look at you with a strange and concerned look on her face. She might begin to question, but just tell her that everything is going to be ok.

Once you have completed your room, congratulations to you. You’ve done a lot of hard work today so reward yourself with a Frosty from Wendy’s. Throw the receipt in the side of your door. Once you have finished your sublime tasty treat, the exhaustion will begin to set in. You are definitely going to be way too tired to throw it away so toss the empty Frosty cup in the back. You can throw it away later, or maybe even next year.