How to: Spend The Most Money On A Date

Jensen Martin, Staff Writer

Gold is the 79th element on the Periodic Table. It’s easily recognizable, as it’s the only element that is a yellow color, and it has a boiling point of 5,162 degrees fahrenheit. And it’s really, really expensive. Especially when you cover a limousine in it.

    Now, a limo covered in gold is much more elaborate. Throw in a hot tub and mini bar stocked with Irish Soda, and you have yourself a party. Hire a driver, of course, load it up with some friends, and you’re off.

    Then again, what’s a party without a Volga-Dnepr An-124? Get that limo up and into the bottom of that baby and get ready for takeoff. Hours later, and Paris is in view. But, Paris? Really? All those tourists? Ew. Let’s get rid of those.

    One signed lease later, and Paris is yours! But why stop there? Let’s just grab all of France while we’re at it. Ah, that’s better. A sunset, viewed from the top of the Eiffel Tower. What could be more romantic than that? Well, it’s getting dark, and the dance is going to start soon. Might as well get back home.

    Still, home is kind of boring. Lets strap that school onto the bottom of a rocket. I hear Pluto’s nice this time of year.

    Pounding music, sterling silver dresses, shimmering lights; all too soon the dance is over and it’s time to fly her home. Maybe we could do this again sometime. Diamond limos and trips to Saturn aren’t out of the question.