If Comfort Food Could Speak


Hannah White, Staff Writer

“Mr. Elephant, you’re my only friend,” you say to the animal cracker before you put him into your mouth and instantly feel the tiniest bit better as you crunch him into bits and swallow.  You can’t help but shove the monkey in your mouth, too.  Animal crackers, ice cream, hot Cheetos, corn dogs – we all have that comfort food that makes those bad days . . . well, not quite so bad.

What makes comfort food so comforting?  Perhaps it is our inner connection with the foods upon which we gorge ourselves when upset.  Comfort food simply speaks to our souls, whispering sweet nothings such as the following:

  • “Don’t worry, honey, you’re not fat.”Food doesn’t judge anyone based on size, and will tell you exactly what you want/need to hear.
  • “Your ex is a complete ding-dong – I’m far better company.”When you’re single, you eat a lot more comfort food, but it’s fine.  At least you’re not completely alone on those Friday nights as long as you have food!
  • “Netflix and I will be your best friends forever, I promise!”What your comfort food says is true.  Netflix and food, as long as you have the money to keep paying for them, will always be there for you.
  • “It’s what’s on the inside that counts. No, no, no, don’t look at my calories, honey, it doesn’t matter.”Like your Velveeta said, your personality matters most, and the Velveeta’s taste – NOT its calories – are what make it the best friend you could want.
  • “I own you . . . I mean, um . . . love you . . .” Yes, food may control your actions in many aspects, but take heart.Food loves you just as much as you love it.
  • “EAT ME!”(No explanation necessary)

Do we realize that the gold fish crackers are quietly speaking to us as they help us deal with the doldrums of life?  Of course not.  Does that mean they don’t?  Certainly not!  That’s what makes comfort food so wonderfully fantastic!

So never feel guilty about eating comfort food – it really is rather consoling and at times encouraging.  I promise you’ll feel a whole lot better after you quit trying to resist and just eat those Oreos, and drink a glass of milk while you’re at it.