North America (See the World)

North America (See the World)

Allie Coats, Art Editor

I have compiled a list (for your benefit of course) of the things that you must do when you visit North America.

Visiting Hell, Michigan should be on the top of your list. If only for all of the jokes that you could make while you are there, for example you can get married in Hell. Don’t worry about passing through the town without knowing because the entrance to the town is marked with a giant wrought iron gate, that literally has “Gates of Hell” wielded into it.

Cape Breton Highlands National Park, you should go whale watching and practice all whale related calls, and what not, and so forth, and what have you. If people stare it is okay, because it simply means that they are trying to learn the whale language, and can you blame them it is a very complicated language.

Investigate the need for southern belles in the south. I not going to lie, this is one of the most important things you can do. Pick a target family they should be rich and live in one of those houses with the pillars and the grand driveway. Upon arrival introduce yourself, using a fake title is acceptable and encouraged in these situations (make sure that your fake title is not only believable but easy enough for you to remember). When packing for this portion of your trip bring a parasol, some cute little gloves, and one of those really big hoop skirt.

Also the reality of living in an air balloon, for example: would you need to stop and fill up on fuel, or air?? These are things that puzzle me.

Join a swing band, as a reference I am not exactly sure where one would go to do this, but I do believe that if you intend to try an fully enjoy your road trip you must attempt it. While I do not have an exact location that they are having auditions I do have a few suggestions to catch local swing bands attention. For example dress for the job that you want, in this case that includes a sort of 50’s vibe. Also maybe you should show case your swingish abilities, even if you don’t have a partner, I have been told that people are very friendly and will take nicely to you springing a dance on them.

Rent a donkey to take you to the Grand Canyon, this is an iconic site that is well known and referenced throughout the world. However when you visit it, don’t be lame, don’t just walk up and take a picture, where would be the adventure in this? No you must instead rent a donkey (they are not terribly priced I assure you) then you should get a guide, this is a very important step, unless you are a donkey riding pro, in which case I apologize for suggesting you need a guide. While on your donkey trip be sure to delight those around you with some light hearted riding songs, people enjoy being entertained and will appreciate your historically accurate depictions of nature.