If Life Were A: Theatre Production

Sarah Jenson, Staff Writer

Flashing lights. Bright colors. Pounds of makeup. Gallons of hairspray. Big smiles. It’s no wonder that stars shine brighter in a theater lifestyle.  In the words of Edward Bond, “There is no world without theatre.” Theater is big, loud, in-your-face, and beautiful, and if life were more like a musical, it would be bigger, louder, more-in-your-face, and more beautiful.

The most obvious difference would be the constant spotlight on anyone of importance. If something dramatic were about to happen, you could bet that a light will start to shine down from above, illuminating the person’s activities. You’d better hope that you have some important part in life, because if you don’t, no microphones for you! Only the stars get to be heard, and everyone else has a little voice whispering to them saying, “Project…project…project.”

You’d also have to watch out for flailing limbs. Every action would have to be exaggerated to really be musical-esque. Sneezing would become an intense workout, raising your hand in class could only be done a maximum of three times a day, and don’t even get me started on nudging through the hallways. The bonus of this would be that no parent could ever accuse you of being a zombie – everything is animated in theater, even boredom.

Everyone would have to have some sort of musical talent. You couldn’t live in a theater world if you couldn’t improvise the exact lyrics and dance moves as everyone around you. Everything would be song-ified, from taking a test to every conversation you have with a significant other to any dramatic moment in your entire life. I sure hope you like show tunes because day-in and day-out, there’ll be more singing than talking.

The best part, though, would be the happily-ever-after. Every musical has a happy ending. Even if something tragic happens at the end, it happens in such a beautiful and resolving way that the spectator comes away feeling satisfied. In a theater life, every ending would be the perfect ending.

Although all of this may sound spectacular, life as a musical might be a little over-the-top. The constant singing and dancing, the simply dramatic responses to every situation, and the never-ending music and shouting might get a little tiring. Though, it wouldn’t be theater if it wasn’t.